Comedy

Jokes!!! Send em' all in!!!!!! mlj123@live.com

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high. 
Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes. 
The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps
After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.

A dentist a nurse and a army general are flying. 
The dentist decides to drop a tooth brush out of the plane. The nurse drops down a medical kit and the army general drops a bomb. 
They land the airplane and see what happened...
First they found a guy looking for his false teeth.
Next they found a guy bandaging his wounds.
Lastly they found a young boy laughing his head off.
They asked him what happened and he said, "My grandfather farted and blew up his house"

There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman...

One day they came across a ladder and climbed up it... as one does...

At the top of the ladder there was a genie and she said: "As you go down this slide, shout out whatever you want to land in..."
So the Englishman shouted "Beeeeeeer"
The Scotsman shouts "Whisssskey"
And the poor old Irishman shouted"weeeeeeeee!"

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response. 
 He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally, he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "for the third time, yes!"

Chuck Norris once crossed the road-
No one has ever dared to question his motives.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 

There are no disabled people-
Only people who have met Chuck Norris. 
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. 
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. 
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, He doesn't get wet...
The water gets Chuck Norris